I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
