apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
