She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
