Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
