The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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