Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
