puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
