Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
