dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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