1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
