I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
