So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
