You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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