I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
