Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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