It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
