Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
