dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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