Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
