you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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