I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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