I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize