I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
