Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
