Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
