I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize