im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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