dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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