Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
