I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this boner is exhausting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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