New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
