dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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