If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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