I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
