Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
