i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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