i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
