hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
