ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
