Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize