so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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