do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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