I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize