In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
