I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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