Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
