Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
