At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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