dude i'm inner monologue high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize