She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
