If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
