so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
