Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
