my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
