A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
