Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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