Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
