So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
