Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize