remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
