"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just threw up on my dentist
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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