Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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