Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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