My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
