then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
