you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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