Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
