You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
