question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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