Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
