I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
