when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
