I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You are the jesus of drinking
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
