you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
