why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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