worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
