I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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