it's like iHOP with fire
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
