She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
