the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
