Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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