just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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