is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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