I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
