So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
