im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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