I just saw a hot homeless man
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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