just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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