Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
