Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
two words...techno handjob
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
