A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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