You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
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